42 Rules for Divorcing with Children
Doing It with Dignity & Grace while Raising Happy, Healthy, Well-Adjusted Children
42 Rules for Divorcing With Children offers practical ways to manage a healthy divorce, build a better team in two houses, minimize stress and anxiety on all fronts, and construct relationships with open and consistent communication.
In this book you will learn:
- What putting the children first really means.
- How to preserve marital assets for you and your children.
- How to set reasonable ground rules for the divorce and going forward.
- How to set a respectful communication example so that you can divorce with dignity.
Use this book as objective advice, refer to it often, share it with others, use it as a reality check, and realize that divorce is not linear and that damage is not permanent or irreparable. If you do this well, the other parent will always be in your life. Find a way to make that tolerable for everyone, because no matter where you go or what you do, your children are tethered to both of you in an incredibly delicate and important way. Learn to accommodate each other as a gift to your children while they grow. Set good examples that will help them make their own relationship choices wisely by drawing on your positive experience. And for you, know that someday, somewhere, you will almost certainly find a partner with whom you can have a mutually respectful, loving, and responsible relationship.
This book will help divorcing parents in some simple ways that I wish I’d been helped as I stumbled my way through divorce with kids. I’m amazed at how well my Ex and I have been able to manage it and am constantly told by others that ours is an exemplary model for managing post-divorce life for our children and ourselves. You will learn how taking care of yourself will help you take care of your family. This book will help prevent divorce remorse and divided loyalties. This distillation of what I have learned from my own experience and from watching others either succeed wildly or fail spectacularly at divorcing with children is what I call Divorcing with Tenderness, Grace and Dignity. Or, failing that, with Sanity, Self-respect, and Solvency. Learn more about author Melinda Roberts.
Book Reviews:
“What I wish my parents had known when they got divorced (twice.)”
—Casey Mullins (mooshinindy.com)
“In her compulsively readable book, Mindy Roberts deconstructs the myth that couples with children can truly get divorced. With humor and insight, Mindy explains why remaining a family after divorce is crucial for the well-being of the children, and provides practical tips for reconfiguring post-divorce families. Every divorcing couple, or couple contemplating divorce, should read this book.”
—Virginia Gilbert, M.A., M.F.T., HuffPost Divorce Blogger and Therapist Specializing in High-Conflict Divorce (www.virginiagilbertmft.com)
As the other parent (OP) in this particular family dynamic I can honestly say Mindy nails so much of how we, and I would imagine many other parents, would ultimately like the outcome of divorce with kids to be – handled with grace and dignity. But it’s hard!! What I like about this book is that it’s a great reference tool to really help shortcut the process of dealing with the several years of emotional challenges you’ll invariably face, punctuated by the guilt you’ll feel for ‘letting your kids down’. Time DOES heal all wounds, and they heal much faster when the sanctity and well being of your kids is the center point. Mindy nails the salient points as to how to get there that often times are so hard to see or understand in the moment but make all the sense in the world with time and perspective. Save some time and gain perspective by reading this book!
—Gil Roberts
“In ‘42 Rules for Divorcing with Children’ author Melinda Roberts addresses some of the most significant issues divorcing parents face. Her Rules are offered with compassion and understanding along with real-world advice that can be immediately put to use. This is a smart guide that I recommend to any parents who want to avoid the heart-breaking mistakes too often made when divorce divides a family!”
—Rosalind Sedacca, Founder, Child-Centered Divorce Network (www.childcentereddivorce.com)
“Mindy Roberts’ book is a must read for anyone with children who is in the initial stages of a separation, currently separated, divorced or even those who are engaged in high conflict co-parenting. Mindy’s take on what to expect and how to realistically manage these situations- by keeping your eyes on the prize- (happy healthy adjusted children), will help keep you sane and smiling. The marker of success is not how we handle things when they are working, its how we handle things when they fall apart. You are not alone and keeping this handy book beside you will help you find the success you’re looking for- no matter how hopeless you might think things may be!”
—Diane Holcombe, RN Life and Wellness Coach, Supporting You Through Transitions(www.clarifyyou.com)
“As a longtime family law attorney I’ve seen the devastation that can be caused by contentious spouses battling over their children in court. And the impact of parents viewing their children as property lasts long after the divorce is finalized. Throughout ’42 Rules…’ Melinda Roberts makes it clear that our children come first. Her first-hand anecdotes are presented with reason, encouragement and, most of all, a desire to help divorcing parents maintain a positive relationship with their children…together.
—David T. Pisarra Esq. – Family Law Attorney and Author of “A Man’s Guide To Child Custody”
“If you don’t think you need ‘42 Rules for Divorcing with Children,’ you’re dead wrong. If you’re not getting a divorce, your best friend, coworker, sibling, or even your mom will be – and they’ll need the 42 Rules to help them through it successfully. So go out, buy half a dozen copies of Mindy’s book, and hand your divorcing friends and relatives ’42 Rules for Divorcing with Children’ with your sympathies and the phone number of a good divorce lawyer.”
—Anne-Marie Nichols, publisher of This Mama Cooks! On a Diet
“Following just 1 of the 42 rules will definitely make the divorcing process smoother for your children. Straight forward, easy to understand, easy to follow, child centered advice…. perfect!”
—KaRae’ Carey, PhD, LPC, NCC, ACS, BC-HSP, LCAS, Founder of Strong Stepfamilies
More and more marriages fail everyday and the true casualties are the children. Unfortunately, the very issues that caused the divorce often get in the way of successful co-parenting. No one knows this better than author Melinda Roberts. Melinda and her ex-husband had the typical ups and downs and in the process found a formula that worked for them. This book is the result of what they both learned and includes stories and advice from others who went down the same path.
This book captivated me from the beginning starting with the foreword by Heather Armstrong and kept me reading to the very end. Heather shared her story of being a child of divorce from her perspective as an adult who is going through the very same thing with her children.
There is lots of great advice in this book but my absolute favorite was the quote from Melinda’s daughter who was ten at the time. She said “When you tell your kids you’re getting divorced, hand them cupcakes first.” A wise person knows that cupcakes make everything better!
The driving message of this book is that you can have a good parenting relationship with your ex-partner so long as you put the children first. This book tells you what you need to know to make this happen and Melinda does it with honesty and humor. She includes several pages of resources for readers who need additional help.
In part IV Melinda says “Your children are watching and learning how to behave in a crisis: with integrity or deceit; grace or malice. Choose wisely and use your powers for good.” This is great advice that I wish I’d been given when I was going through a similar situation. I can’t help but think that this book would make an excellent present for someone you know who needs it.
“42 Rules for Divorcing with Children,” by Melinda Roberts, is a *must* have for any parent divorcing, contemplating divorce or already divorced. Unlike other books about kids and divorce, 42 Rules is not preachy or judgmental in tone. It is also practical and down-to-earth. Most important, it puts the kids first–and as we’ve learned from decades of nasty divorces, kids are often the ones who are hurt the most.
Melinda Roberts thoughtfully draws on her personal experience as mother who divorced with three children while tapping into her expertise as the founder of The Mommy Blog, one of the first true mom blogs that started years ago before mom blogs became popular. She is also an inspiration, having happily remarried in 2012 and successfully blending three more kids into her family.
I am hoping she writes a similar book about being a successful step-parent to happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids.
—Kristina Geiser
Mommy Confidential:
Adventures from the
Wonderbelly of Motherhood
Take a woman fresh out of college, plop her down in Silicon Valley, saddle her with a mortgage, let her ride the tech boom, give her three babies in four years, slap her with the tech bust, watch vicariously as her marriage disintegrates, end her career, and hand her a computer. What do you get? Mommy Confidential: Adventures from the Wonderbelly of Motherhood, a memoir in real time adapted from the wildly popular weblog, The Mommy Blog.
Mommy Confidential is a naked, brutally funny, endearingly honest chronicle of family life beset by disaster on many fronts. Mindy keeps her family together through catastrophic illness, four bouts of postpartum depression, financial peril, relationship Chernobyl, familial Waterloo, and job instability. All through it her sense of humor and her sharp, edgy, witty writing keep her together and upright.
