I must be oozing crack cocaine

I had always hoped that my kids would like me, but this is ridiculous.

Fully ten minutes of tonight’s tuck-in routine was spent haggling over snuggling rights with Mommy.

“But Mommy,” Daphne pleaded, “You said I could sleep with you on the last night before we go to Daddy’s!”

“And that would be when? Tomorrow!”

“Okay, then, I want both nights.”

“HEY!” Simultaneous protests from the boys.

“Look, you each have your own beds, and I have mine. I always share if you have bad dreams, or wake up early, but come on! I never get a full night’s sleep with you wheat thrashers pummeling me. Tell you what: there are two nights left here. Daphne can have one, and Dylan can have the other.”

“HEY!” Logan was wild eyed at the thought of being excluded.

“Logan, you come into bed with me in the middle of the night. Don’t tell me you don’t get to sneak in here enough. The others never wake in the middle of the night.”

“But,” he protested, “I’ve never come in before one a.m.!” I clutched my forehead.

“We’ll get to you in a minute. Now, Daphne, do you want to save best for last, and let Dylan have tonight? Or do you want tonight and promise not to have a fit when Dylan gets tomorrow?”

“I want both nights.”

“Okay, you’re done voting. Tell you what: both Dylan and Daphne can stay here tonight, and Logan can stay here tomorrow.” His eyes lit up. “Now, I want you to realize that while you’re sitting here complaining both about the square footage of Mommy Real Estate you get and time spent in prime position, all I can think is that I am not going to get enough sleep.”

“But mom,” Logan said, “My bed gets cold, and your bed is comfy.”

“Well, what can we do to make your bed more comfy?”

“It’s not that, it’s that the sheets come off, and they don’t do that here.”

“That is because you kick them off. It has nothing to do with your bed. On a side note, you kick all my covers off here, too, and I just spend my time readjusting them so I don’t freeze.”

I can hardly wait for summer, when you don’t want another warm body within five feet of you.

I tucked Logan into his bed and tried to secure the perimeter. Then I went to say goodnight to the two little squatters in my bed—I knew we made the right decision in buying an Eastern King; we needed all the lateral space we could get—I kissed them both goodnight, and smiled at how well they behaved. Normally I can’t leave them in a room together, but in my bed, if they want to stay there, they have to be good.

As I turned off the light, I could hear them each making sure that the other had covers and all the sleep lovies they needed. It was adorable. And totally out of the ordinary.

What does it mean for general household productivity when the great equalizer is my body? It’s their favorite thing in the world, and each has their favorite spots to rest and places to sniff and blow raspberries. It’s hard to get anything done when they are constantly asking to snuggle. It’s to the point where sometimes I just don’t make eye contact! I now understand why sometimes the mommy cat just gets up and walks away from her litter in search of a little peace. Until they all come scampering after her.