416 reasons why I shouldn’t be allowed near a keyboard

I’ve been playing with Notebook for Mac to see if it’s a good way to organize my manuscript; it isn’t, but it’s way impressive. I used it to organize all my notes and press for the book and loved how how powerful it was. For instance, you can import a six hundred page document with a click of the mouse and not only will it import with fidelity, it will index the hell out of it. There are indices for individual words, capitalized words, links, numbers, you name it. They all appear in a separate section along with the number of times the item was found, in parenthesis. Fascinating.

So, of course I checked the word index to see how many strange words I used. Interviewers have said that I have “a way with inventive words.” Friends claim to have needed to learn “Mindese.” I scoffed until I got a load of my word index. Did I use any real words? I pasted a selection—only a selection, mind you—of mumblyjumbly into the extended entry. Go on, have a look. And have fun scrolling to close it again—it’s a long list, but it had me giggling.

I have several things to say about what I learned about my writing this morning:

1. For starters, I was raised by an English Professor mom. I think we can safely say that she taught me to speak.
2. She was also a publisher. And an author.
3. She is also my editor. She’s read this manuscript several times.
4. She left all of these words in the manuscript. There’s a whole other mess of stuff that got cut. This is the stuff approved to be left in.
5. I should be writing comic books instead.
6. I should NEVER be allowed to make an audio book. There will be no listening to Mommy Confidential: Adventures from the Wonder-belly of Motherhood on a road trip. No sir.
7. Anyone who has heard me laugh would agree.
8. I hope my kids learn to pass the malarkey on down the family tree. I have been laughing my ass off.

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Related posts:

1. Knocking Off for the Day
2. If My Office Were a Car, I Wouldn’t Be Allowed To Drive
3. First day with a hated, new keyboard